Sarah's Prayer

Some time in January, 2000, Lynn wrote to me and asked if I would be interested in providing the graphics for a new site she wanted to build.  Lynn at that time had a vision in her heart of creating a special site for cancer patients and their caretakers, and wanted graphics that were fresh and uplifting.  How ironic it was because I was not only busy with my little bear business when she first wrote but I was also spending time weekly caring for Sarah, a friend who was in the final stages of cancer.  I could only respond that I might be interested at some time down the road, but for now, I needed to put her graphics ideas on the back burner of my mind.

My friend Sarah.  I had known her for 17 years. She was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in the summer of 1998.  She was only 63.  I'm 56.  This was the first time I had known a contemporary, a friend, who was dying from cancer.  I kept wondering what I would be doing, thinking, feeling if it were me.  One Saturday I called Sarah and told her I wanted to spend time with her if she was up to it.  She said, "how about now?"

"Now!" said I.  "I'm just here in my sweats, no makeup, hair a mess.  Now?"

Sarah's from the south.  Nashville.  She said "Honey, you're doing better than I am.  I'm still in my nightgown."  I dropped what I was doing and went to her.  We spent the first day of was to became a weekly ritual until her death.  Each week from that day on I brought a meal for her and her family and spent the day alone with her so that her husband could have a much needed and well deserved break from her constant care.  These were days I will always treasure in my heart.

My last day with her was on a rainy Tuesday. The pain for Sarah was so intense by now that she had to be sedated heavily.  She slept most of the time during the end and I would quietly  sit by her side or sometimes I would read the Psalms to her from her Bible.  One of my greatest fears was that she would fall when I was with her alone and I wouldn't be able to help her back up.  She awakened to the need to use the bathroom.

"Good", I thought. "One doesn't do that if they're dying today."

I helped her to the toilet but once seated, she kept falling asleep.  I aroused her, worried she would fall off of the throne.  She awakened and remembered that her husband had been crying that morning.  We both knew now that our hopes for remission had run out.  The doctors had said there was no more we could do but prepare for her ending.  "Ooooh, George was crying this morning", she said.  She started to cry.  I put my arms around her.  Together we cried ~ right there in that bathroom with her still on the toilet and my arms around her holding on tight.

That was the last time I saw Sarah.  She was hospitalized soon after that day. On January 31, 2000, she conquered the beast.  Sarah is now joyfully with the Lord and all of her loved ones who went before her.  We will be together again, in the twinkling of an eye.

The graphics on the Legacy's pages were created for the Lord because of Sarah who wanted her death to make a difference in people's lives. "God, may some good come of all this?" she prayed many times.  It is my hope that these little bears will make a difference in the lives of some, maybe many lives.  It was Sarah's prayer. 

1990